Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Having a constructive conversation in conflictive situations is not always that simple: standing up for your own interests without losing yourself in emotions and with respect for your partner in conversation can be quite a task.
As a certified mediator, I initiate the dialogue between you, giving each of you the space to explain your needs, concerns, wishes and desires. I make sure that you are able to negotiate with each other on an equal footing. This means that there's room for everyone's truth and emotions, and that you listen with respect to what the other is saying. Where necessary I will inform you adequately, without getting involved in the content of the matter.
Solutions that come about in this way are often very efficient and create a solid basis for the agreement that eventually emerges. Since you negotiated this agreement together, and it is therefore perfectly tailored to your needs, it is also very well observed in most cases.
What is mediation?
Mediation is a simple and often efficient way to resolve conflicts yourself with the help of a mediator. It is done on a voluntary basis and one cannot be forced into it. As a mediator, I take on the role of an impartial and neutral person who can get the dialogue between you going (again). Everything that is said or exchanged during a mediation is strictly confidential. That is, it cannot be used outside the context of the mediation, even if it were to come to court later. We therefore create a safe setting in which everything can be put honestly and openly on the table.
During an initial meeting, I explore everyone's expectations and answer any questions that may arise. We discuss how mediation works and what it can do for you. This meeting is non-binding: after this first 'exploration round' you decide whether you want to continue or not.
In the subsequent talks, the aim is to come to an agreement in mutual understanding with which all parties involved can identify. I take a multi-sided approach, which means I listen to everyone's needs, desires and concerns in turn and with equal involvement, without any preconceptions or prejudice, while carefully guarding your individual interests. If necessary, I will inform you in an expert manner, but the final content of the agreement will be decided by you. Solutions that you come up with together are much more powerful than decisions imposed by third parties and offer a greater basis for the agreement that eventually emerges.
Mediation agreements can be submitted to the court for homologation and consequently have the value of a court judgment.
Focussing on children in divorce mediation and parenting mediation.
Parents who sign up with me for divorce or parenting mediation usually do so because they know that children are my number one priority. In the first instance, I will make every effort to provide parents with the best and fullest information possible about how children can experience divorce so that they can be the best possible parents during the divorce process and after. In the second instance, if desired, I can have a conversation with your child myself.
For parents it's good to know that the world of a child who experiences a divorce is thoroughly shaken: the basic security falls away and questions and uncertainties arise. However, it is very well possible that your child will hide the uncertainty and the emotions that come with it 'because mom and dad have enough to worry about'. I offer children a safe space in which they can vent their feelings. In an ambiance of trust and respecting their age, we engage in creative work formats while talking about their concerns, questions, fears, and feelings without getting them into loyalty conflicts. I make sure they understand the divorce process better and tell them what to expect. This gives them an idea of what is normal (yes, you can be sad) and what is not normal (no, you don't have to choose between mom and dad).
The confidentiality of the conversations held with children is always respected, although some situations may be discussed with parents in agreement with the child.
Between what is said and not meant and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.
To reconcile conflicting parties, we must have the ability to see suffering on both sides.